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Ben.

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(no subject) [Jan. 28th, 2010|12:37 pm]
Just recently a friend of mine texted me with a rant, about how a common friend of ours had attacked him on facebook, leaving a status pertaining to someone with an age that he happened to be. I probed, and it turned out that said common friend also deleted the status after friend commented on the status.

My friend also felt that this common friend, even if the person in mention is not him, also should not have done it in such a roundabout way, and should've just been direct and been a man about it, and accosted the antagonist directly.

To which i replied that i felt that that we would express ourselves differently doesnt mean we should expect others to; some people just aren't like that. I felt we shouldn't project out expectations on others, and hold them to those standards.

What say you?
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(no subject) [Jan. 23rd, 2010|02:50 pm]
wah balls busy.

com died.

will update soon.
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2010|10:47 pm]
It's been insane! Grr.
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Craving for shark meat. [Oct. 30th, 2009|04:30 pm]
Ignore the subject. It's random.


So anyway, its been a long time since i updated (again), and frankly, though, thats the way i like it - update when i feel like it.

In any case, the past few weeks have been a whirl of madness. Point to point insanity really. In chronological order, I got called up for an interview, got accepted on the spot, signed the contract, and had to study for the regulatory exams before training starts.

To elucidate, essentially i applied for a front-end sales job in a local bank, and was called up for the interview. I was met by this lady, whom i retrospectively found out was the manager of the HR department. In the room as well as the hiring manager. So there I was in the small room in one of the buildings in the middle of Shenton Way getting grilled: What have you been doing since graduation? Why banking? It's a sales job, are you sure you're comfortable with that? Your resume looks like you lack sales experience. What would you do if _____ ?

And the likes.

I think i must have done decently, because after the interview concluded and we exchanged pleasantries I was asked to take a seat outside whilst they discuss - which they did, for about 5 mins. Thereafter the HR manager popped out, brought me to a room and offered me the job, which i accepted. To be fair, she did try to cast some doubt in my mind even after offering me the contract: Are you very sure you want to do this? Don't you have to wait for other offers?

Well, either that, or they lack people in the role, which is a distinct possibility given the high turnover rate of this job.

That was on the fourth of november, if i remember correctly.

Since then it was just madness. I was told that the next training session was to start on the 24th of this month, and essentially had to pass the regulatory papers by then, failing which i'd have 9 days from the start of course to pass all, or be asked to leave. There are 4 which people in this role are required to pass, and since then i've passed 3, with the latest being today. The next one is on the 23rd of november, and i've effectively got 4 days to study for it.

So yes, it's been day and night studying really. Pretty much back to the exam days, so much so that i've actually taken ill, i think, from the lack of rest.

In the meantime, though, after accepting the contract i found out that i know a couple of people who are doing the exact same job, and basically prospects are grim. Long hours, which high (read: impossible) targets to meet. Remuneration is decent, or at least by my standards, i think.

But whatever. Its a first job, i'll just do it as well as I can. Time will tell if i am suited for it.

I found it abit of a pity, though, that almost immediately after i accepted the contract I was offered a chance for an interview at a research company as a junior analyst, which i think sounds rather interesting. A good friend of mine also found out that there was an opening in her company in the hospitality sector for a finance role, which i declined with thanks because i didn't think i would like being in accounts.

Right then, back to the books!
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2009|12:18 am]
I thought it was said that writing was a great relief and makes one feel better?
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2009|12:03 am]
Why does it always happen? Is this some sort of a cruel joke? Are things meant to be like that? You ride a wave that goes really high, and then it crashes hard on you.

Or is it just me?

Why?

I'm scared. I don't want to lose you.
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Quotes from a book. [Oct. 18th, 2009|10:40 am]
There's this book that i'm currently reading entitled "It's not about the coffee - Leadership principles from a life at Starbucks". It's written by Howard Behar, who at 44 joined the coffee giant and subsequently became it's president. Behar, together with founder Howard Schultz were instrumental in making starbucks what it is today, a coffee place well known for it's hospitality and the benchmark for companies seeking to create a synergistic flow between it's staff and clients.

There are numerous books on starbucks in the market these days, with most of them, like this one, focusing on the people management system of starbucks that today is emulated by many, and arguably paralleled by none.

In the book Behar shares ten principles that he believes in and that drives his management philosophy:

1. Know who you are - Wear one hat
2. Know why you're here - Do it because it's right, not because it's right for your resume
3. Think independently - The person who sweeps the floor should choose the broom.
4. Build trust - Care, like you really mean it.
5. Listen for the truth - The walls talk.
6. Be accountable - Only the truth sounds like the truth.
7. Take action - Think like a person of action, and act like a person of thought.
8. Face challenges - We are human beings first.
9. Practice leadership - The big noise, and the still, small voice.
10. Dare to dream - say yes, the most powerful word in the world.


Personally i have a penchant for management books of this genre, that is, those that are from a first person perspective and are in relation to a business we're familiar to. In this particular case, the idea that we should treat people as people, and not as numbers resonates well with my particular method of management.

The book looks interesting. I think i'll enjoy it.


Carpe Diem,
Ben.
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What ?! [Sep. 22nd, 2009|03:51 pm]
Grr.

I just ended a conversation with this person i know from school. We were talking about random stuff, really, training and all that, until she told me that she had a fall, to which i responded appropriately, i.e by asking her if she's alright, and then suggesting that she see a doctor should it not get well.

For some reason this person felt compelled to tell me that she'll be fine, and that back in JC she could do 2 sports and still be fine and all. And then she told me that she had no choice because she was in the school team, and that she sacrificed much blood sweat and tears.

And for some reason this person launched into her life story, telling me how she had problems at home and quarreled with her family and had to deal with people threatening to kill themselves and whatnot, and that it was one of the lowest points in her life.

At this point in time frankly i was already thinking that i really didn't need to know these, but told her that in my opinion now that it's over she should try to embrace it because it helps us grow. Her retort was that having to endure being abused in her attempts to stop someone from killing themselves wasn't something that she'd want to embrace, to which i replied (and perhaps, in retrospect i should've just kept quiet) that to me it nevertheless should be embraced because these experiences form part of who we are today.

I then asked a rhetorical question - "Why should it not be embraced?", and followed it up with a statement that said that she shouldn't answer that because it'll get nowhere.

And then all hell broke loose.

Conversation, Edited for length. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. )
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Selfish prick. [Sep. 20th, 2009|12:47 am]
I am irritated.

Spent the whole day sms-ing and co-ordinating with a group of friends for a movie outing tomorrow. After a whole lot of texting and discussion ten of us finally decided on watching 'The Cove', a movie about the illegal luring of whales. A documentary, really. On the verge of booking, I sent one last message to this person - lets call him X - to check if he wanted to join us, since he hadn't replied since the first message.

A minute after I sent a message to character X indicating the date, time, location and title of movie asking if he was keen, his reply came that he indeed was. All was good. Or so it seems.

Barely two minutes later, as I was booting up the computer with the intention to book the tickets, said character sends me another messages that goes along the line of 'Why don't we watch another movie?'

By then I was already slightly irritated. So then you want 10 other people to change for you? Isn't that being a little selfish?

I then told Character X that personally i'm okay if he wants to watch another movie, but he would have to go call the other people to check with them, to which he agreed.

A couple of minutes pass (this is getting familiar, like the plot of a story book) and said character reverts and says someone else already watching the movie and so we should go ahead with my original plan.

And then I decided, okay, fine, irritated but for the better good i'd just go ahead and book, when another person told me that said character is making plans for another movie. Luckily then, I had the good sense to NOT book the tickets there and then, for about half an hour later a text comes in and reads:

"Could you contact X, Y and Z to tell them about the change?"

In my mind then, I was thinking: "fuck you. Selfish cunt. There wouldn't have been no change had you not stirred the whole thing up, and you have the bloody cheek to ask ME to do YOUR legwork?"

The actual reply though was along the lines of:"I'll give you the numbers, but you'll have to call them. Let me know the date, time and location."

And its been 2 hours and I basically haven't heard from the said person about the plans.

I hope he doesn't miss out anyone from the original list, for his own sake.




Now tell me, how can someone be so selfish?
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ARGH. [Sep. 3rd, 2009|10:48 am]
[I'm feeling | disappointed]

Training at SJC today with the national team people and those who may be shortlisted for the YOG today was, if not disastrous, then disappointing. Add utterly to that.

We did rather standard stuff, and if you ask me, the training wasn't actually all that tough:

Moving Uchikomi - ISN, Morote, Kata Guruma, Tani Otoshi, Harai Goshi, Uchimata, Koshi Guruma, Soto Makkikomi

This was followed by speed uchikomi, where we had to do a minimum number of repetitions in 40 (20 times), 20 (14 times) and 10 (10 times) seconds respectively. I can't remember how many sets we did though.

Next up was kata randori, then randori, followed by what i shall term the 'gi throwing' exercise.

And then it was PT.

For some reason, though relatively well rested, I felt like puking during the course of training. Twice at that. It was weird, because typically one only feels like vomiting when the lactate threshold is breached. But I honestly don't think at that level that it happened.

Also disappointing was the fact that i couldn't throw properly. For some reason I lack the explosive power now. My uchimata almost without fail ends up with me lifting my partners' left leg in a aiyotsu situation, and i have to sort of like roll my body to throw. Gah.

I shan't even mention the part about being thrown like a ragdoll during randori.

Someone who was there at the training this evening, and to whom I expressed my feelings told me that perhaps i've got too high a standard set for myself. I honestly don't think so, though. Maybe it's the pride, i'm not sure. But what's for sure is that i'm not impressed with my own performance, and needless to say, obviously neither is the coach or my peers.

Gah.
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(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2009|09:34 am]
For some reason in recent days (after i discovered that i may lack protein and iron in me but thats another story) i haven't been able to stop eating.

I mean, feeling perpetually hungry is one thing, but feeling perpetually ravenous is another thing altogether. It's becoming a little absurd really. Practically every single thing i see i feel like eating, and end up putting it in my mouth. Doesn't help that season is winding down and training is cutting down too.

Oh well.
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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2009|05:58 pm]
From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.

- Karl Marx

I feel like going on a binge via a buffet soon.

- Cokiee
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(no subject) [Aug. 27th, 2009|05:28 am]
I refer to the letter by Mr Lim Teong Chin on August 31st ("Taekwondo tragedy could have been avoided if only...").

Whilst Mr Lim is right in asserting that being a corporate member of the People's Association (PA) should logically mean that it's activities are supported as such, his assertion that the tragic death by the 17-year old practitioner may have been avoided does not have internal validity.

As it were, the incident that happened was an accident. Broadly speaking, it was an occurrence of chance that might still have happened even if the full rules that the Singapore Taekwondo Federation (STF) had been instituted on that unfortunate day. Unfortunately, whilst wholly unethical, is also not unheard of in competitive sport that proponents execute techniques that are restricted or banned merely to inflict damage, be it physically or emotionally, on the opponent.

Rather than concentrating on the divide between the STF and its affliates and those that are not, it is my opinion that the STF, and National Sports Associations (NSAs) in general should focus their energies on easing out the differences with the aim of eventually including these non-affliates into their fold.

The benefits are manifold. Firstly NSAs can be exposed to a wider range of practices in areas pertaining to training methodology, grading, and even promotion of the respective sports in the community. Also, with the inclusion of these breakaway groups, more athletes will be eligible for competition, and subsequently for selection to represent the State. This way, we can be sure that those we send to represent us in competitions are truly the best we have, and not a choice based on bounded rationality.

I am sure this issue is not limited in scope to the Singapore Taekwondo Federation. Let us work towards being more inclusive for the betterment of sport in Singapore.
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(no subject) [Aug. 25th, 2009|04:05 am]
[I'm feeling | contemplative]

Just today I did something which, thinking back, I perhaps should not have done. Not to say that I regret it, or it's negative or anything, but it's one of those situations where one gets to make a decision, and I really don't know if I should've done it, or not.


As the story goes yesterday afternoon I was asked by a friend if I had any plans for this evening; the plan was to head to this outdoor eatery in the north famed for it's fiery pub grub of the fowl kind. Seeing as to how there was nothing planned, and having not met them together in sometime I thought it was a decent idea and agreed to it.

Today came and wanting to be prepared I asked said friend for the budget per head, and upon getting a reply immediately had doubts to my mind. I'd already thought it might be a little pricey, actually, but nevertheless when the answer came I found that I was priced out of the product at hand. Objectively speaking though,

In any case I eventually turned down the outing with when he called to change the timing to meet and when asked, told him what I thought - that it was simply too expensive. His reply to me was to the tune of 'oh, alright then, bye'. Which obviously didn't sound too upbeat, as one can tell. I did feel bad, actually, but only because for not being able to meet them, and not because I told him the truth.

Which begs the question: Should I or not have told the truth? Was cooking up a random story a better option?

Objectively speaking, though, I could afford the meal, that is, in absolute monetary value I still had the money for it. It would however be a stretch to say that the food was affordable - it was, afterall, pub grub of sorts.

(this is where the massive disconnect in the entry is; I can't find the appropriate words to express myself)

I come from a middle-class family who live in a public apartment, that is, specifically, we took a loan to purchase the government apartment and are in debt. My parents work hard as businessmen running their small business, and since young, i've been taught to live somewhat thriftily, if not frugally. The value of the dollar has been impressed on me since young, to put it simply.

I've also had the good fortune, throughout my educative and formative years, to meet people who, to put it bluntly, more affluent than I am, and perhaps, indeed, than I ever will be. Perhaps due to the nature of the interactions between these people I've never felt like there was a financial divide between them and I.

Was today such a situation? Actually, I don't think so. Rather, I think that today I made an active decision that asserted the fact that there are some truths in life that we have to accept, and this was one that I actually believe in - I'm not poor, but I'm not rich. But I'm not ashamed of it either.

And I think that's what keeps me grounded, this knowledge of where I stand.
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2009|10:29 pm]
I'm actually vindictive enough to think that there's a particular someone in the main committee who doesn't like me (this part im sure) and has actually engineered my falling out i think. But i'm really too tired to care la. If people don't like me there's nothing i can do. Perhaps it's just my nature, that in groups i tend to see things from the other perspective, to play the devils' advocate. I like to think it's because i know the dangers of groupthink. But some people dont appreciate it.
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2009|12:44 pm]
So now that all that's done, where do i go from here?

I told myself that I was merely putting aside the job hunt to focus on training for the pesta sukan, and when that ended I would start looking for a job properly.

But what do i do now? I mean, i've been looking out for opportunities, but none have been particularly eye catching, really. I was hoping to be able to do something related to marcoms in the hospitality sector, or if lucky enough, to get a management trainee job or something, but as of now these options don't seem very possible.

I've also toyed with the idea of signing up as a personal banking associate with XXX bank, which would entail, if selected and after training, half a year of outdoor sales - something i may not entirely be comfortable with, but would do if i had to. The upshot of this, when compared to the hospitality sector job, of course, is that starting pays are much higher in the banking sector.

Argh.
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2009|12:14 pm]
Sunday just past was the Pesta Sukan Judo C'ships, in which I played in the -73 (that's under 73kg) category.

Now the history of this is that on a whim three of us decided to register in the competition, and as such started training about 2 months (?). Being over the weight category I also had to start watching my diet, to 'make weight'. In the run-up to sunday I unfortunately had a series of sleepless nights, which culminated in my having a chronic lack of sleep on sunday.

Anyhow, woke up early to prepare my stuff and make my way to the indoor stadium. Arrived, got changed, an weighed in. I'd gone and had a slice of bread with cheese plus a cup of water before that, weighted in at 70.9kgs. Which meant that dry weight (that is, without having anything) would be about 0.5 kgs less. Luckily then, that I DID have the food, because I found out later that the allowance was for 2kgs both ways. Which meant that i very nearly was too light for the category.

Personally I thought that it was a little unfair for such a huge allowance upwards, if not for myself, then for the others who had to work to pare their weight to make the category, for i can attest to how tiring it can be to have to diet and train at the same time.

As it were in my first bout I was up against the category favourite, this character who conducted a class at the SJC and was reputed to be quite quick. That didn't go too well actually. Escaped his attack and tried going for a hold but to no avail. Then at the restart he came in with a kataguruma and ended it. In retrospect I should've tried slowing the game down and played the game my way instead of his.

The subsequent bouts (i played another 3) in the repecharge table were rather uneventful. I won all my bouts to top the table, which meant that I ended up joint-3rd, but didn't play very well i think. Largely managed to control the game, but the uchimata didn't rear it's head one bit, which was a little disappointing. Think it was the nerves from the lack of exposure after so long really.

So yes, ended up in third position, something i'm proud of, but nevertheless i'm aware that the field wasn't strong at all.

Anyhow, yeah that was that. It wasn't as much of a relief than i thought i would be to be able to eat freely during lunch thereafter though. I wasn't actually as ravenous as i thought i would've been. But it did feel quite good to be able to drink as much water and other assorted liquids as i wanted to, though.

Now the days thereafter, culminating in now, have been a different case. I can't stop eating and munching on stuff, and injesting water and tea, and their various permutations. I think i'm back to my pre-competition weight, i.e., 5kgs up again. -insert gasp-
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In some nyah? [Aug. 20th, 2009|10:51 am]
I haven't slept at all the whole night. And it's tiring not to be able to sleep even when you're tired. I'm not saying that I don't have the luxury of it, though. It's the evil thing starting with "I". I lay in bed since 2 when I got home from preparing for the Judo/Muay Thai camp and couldn't sleep at all. Gave up at 5.

It was pretty much the same the day before, too. I wonder if it's the events that are lined up over the weekend (Shai on Sat for Grading, Shiai on Sunday) that are subconsciously keeping me awake. Which would be odd, really, because in the conscious state all I think of them is not to be late.








"It's nice to have an end to journey towards, but in the end it's the journey that matters."
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Just a rant. [Aug. 17th, 2009|09:49 pm]
[I'm feeling | mellow]

The dieting is getting to me. I can feel the lack of energy in my arms and throughout my whole body in general, i think.

And the grumpiness is setting in. I don't think, though, that i'll actually snap at someone, so that's good.

But y'know, sometimes I think, and for a moment i wonder what i'm doing all this for. Why do I even want to play in the Pesta Sukan? It's not like it'll get me anywhere, really, and at this point i don't think i'll win it or anything.

Case in point: Just today I got whacked totally during what was a very easy training by most standards. I mean, I could give excuses of all sorts and say I haven't stopped training since.. Wed or Thurs last, and that's inclusive of the Army Half Marathon yesterday, but those are, afterall, random excuses.

There's a proper term for this in Social Psychology. I can't remember the name, though, but it's got to do with one coming up with excuses that limit one's ability before an event occurs.

Is this it?
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2009|02:51 am]
Sigh.

I don't know how things became like that actually. I thought everything was going well, and this person was potentially one of those friends i'd be able to keep, but then somewhere along the line something went *twanggg* and in the end it seems now, more than ever, that it's not, rather than it's hot.

Why do things like that always happen to me? Is it just me? Is it how I work? Do i try too hard for my own good?

Or perhaps, is it that I expect too much? Afterall, we do know that if one manages one's expectation one will less likely end up disappointed.

I think it's possibly got to do with how I just throw myself into everything I deem to be fit for me to do so. All of it. I know not, in a way, how to hold back, be it for myself or others. I just dive right in. And whilst that could potentially reap very positive results, more often than not, as i've learnt the hard way, things don't work out the way you want it to.

Suffice to say i'm disappointed. The issue is not resolved, and doesn't look like it will be unless I do something about it. But yet, at the same time, I know for a fact that should I start doing something about it it will only get worse.

So which is the lesser evil? Leave the misunderstanding to be, or make it worse by trying to right it?

On the flipside though, I've managed to speak to this one other person through this whole incident. Thus far it does seem like this person's one who's rather nice, and I like to think we communicate well, and on the same level. Which is nice, really, to have a friend like this person around to speak to. Not necessarily about problems, but just generally talking, and hanging out, I guess. And don't get me wrong, the hanging out hasn't materialised. It's merely a dream I have I guess.

Carpe Diem,
Ben.
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